also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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