The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
