what day is it and did you see me today?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
