On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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