Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
