Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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