I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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