I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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