You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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