the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
