he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
