Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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