just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
