Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
