Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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