why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
40s are totally the cure
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
