Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
