is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
