I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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