Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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