i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
