shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
