Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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