And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
