If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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