Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
