I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
