i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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