Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
