names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I forget how to act sober
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
