Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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