it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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