R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
