At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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