she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
