Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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