trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There r osticjed everywhere
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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