It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
