so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I deserve this hangover.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
