is your mom at the bar?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
