Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
