I puked a lego.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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