I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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