yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
