do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
