4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
