i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
