Buhtt sex?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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