Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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