oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
