When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
