I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
