Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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