I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
