a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
