True but thats because hes a fetus.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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