i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
