He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
