genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
