Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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