This girl is more easily done than said...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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