Got a toothbrush?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
