I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
