I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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