forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
