A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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