i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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