i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
