So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
