I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
