i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
