Apparently you make a good broom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
